Santa and Banta jokes

Sardar was sitting and thinking hard.

Sardarni asked: Kya soch rahe ho?

Sardar: Yeh STAR TV walonko kaise pata chalta hai?

Sardarni: Kya?

Sardar: Aap dekh rahe hai STAR PLUS!

 

 

Sardar went to STD/ISD/PCO shop and slapped the operator twice.

 

Because there was written: Number dial karne se pehle 2 lagao!

 

 

Sardar sees front side of a girl´s T-Shirt that reads: HANDLE WITH CARE.

 

Next day sardar wears jeans and writes: CANDLE WITH HAIR!

 

Once someone sent a SMS to a sardar : Bhejanewala mahan padhanewala gadha.

 

Sardar got angry and replied : Bhejanewala gadha padhanewala mahan!

 

Great inventions planned by Profs Santa Singh and Banta Singh

1. Waterproof towel

2. Solar powered flashlight

3. Inflatable dart board

4. A dictionary index

5. Ejector seat in a helicopter

6. A book on how to read

7. Pedal powered wheelchair

8. Waterproof teabag

9. Powdered water

10. Submarine screen door!

 

What is the height of foolishness?

 

A woman bathing in a bathroom with transparent door and a sardar looking
through the keyhole!

 

Sardar was shopping in a store.

SALESMAN: Sir, would you like to use a pocket calculator?

SARDAR: No thanks. I know how many pockets I have!

 

SANTA: How do you account for your recent defeat in polls?

BANTA: I was a victim.

SANTA: Of what?

BANTA: Of acurate counting!

 

Banta scolded his son: You are a donkey.

Son replied: But dadaji called me ´Gadhe ka bachha´!

 

 

Why did 18 sardarjis go to a movie?

 

Because below 18 was not allowed!

 

 

What do you do when a sardar throws a hand grenade at you?

Pull the pin and throw it back!

 

 

What will Santa do after taking photocopies?

 

He will compare them with the original for spelling mistakes!

 

When the Titanic was drowning, an Italian asked Santa: How far is land?

SANTA: Two kms.

Whe Italian jumped in the sea and asked: Which direction?

SANTA: Down!

 

 

KBC 2 (English) AMITABH: Your last question for two crores. What is your
dad´s name?

SARDAR: (Laughs)

AMITABH: Why are you laughing?

SARDAR: You didn´t give options!

 

A sardar walked up to the front desk of the library and said: I borrowed a
book last week, but it was the most boring I´ve ever read. There was no
story whatsoever and there were far too many characters.

The librarian replied: Oh, you must be the person who took our phone book!

 

A fat NRI sardarni goes to a gurudwara with a mannat.

She tells the giani: Gianiji, main aaj bhot vaddi aass leke aayi hoon.

Giani says: Maine dekhya jab tune matha tekya!

 

Doc told Santa, who had 4 children in 4 years, through an interpreter that
he absolutely had to wear a condom because as long he wore it his wife
could not have another baby.

A month later his wife Santo got pregnant.

Doc got very angry.
He called Santa and gave him a long lecture through the interpreter. He
asked Santa why he hadn´t worn the condom.

Interprter said: He swears he did wear it and never took it off.
Doc shook his head: In that case ask him how the heck his wife is pregnant
again.

Interpreter said: He says that after 6 days he had to pee so badly that he
cut the end off!

 

Sardar gave 36 roses to his girlfriend, who thrilled, undressed, lied down
spreading her legs and said: This for the roses.

Sardar said: Why? Can´t you find a vase?!

 

Santa found Banta very depressed.

SANTA: What happened?

BANTA: Yaar I lost Rs 1000 in a bet yesterday.

SANTA: How come?

BANTA: Well, the one-day match between India and England was shown live on
TV yesterday. I bet Rs 700 that India would win but I lost.

SANTA: But that´s only Rs 700, where did the rest go?

BANTA: Yaar, I bet on the highlights too!

 

Santa and Santo were planning to go on a second honeymoon on their 10th
wedding anniversary.

SANTO: We will go to all the same places that we did on our first hm.
SANTA: As you wish.

SANTO: We will do all the things we did on our first hm.

SANTA: OK.

SANTO: And will we make love like m our first hm?

SANTA: That´s right execpt this time I get to sit on the side of the bed
and cry ´Its too big, its too big´!

 

Sardarji is trying to commit suicide on the railway tracks and he takes
along some wine and chicken with him.

Somebody stops him and asks : Kyon bhai ye sab kyon leke baithe ho?

Sardarji replies: Saali train late aati hai kahin bhook se na marjaun!

 

A Sardar was walking along, when he looked up to observe a bird flying
overhead.

Suddenly, the bird drops a load when it was directly over him.

The Sardar says, “It is good that cows don’t fly”!

 

Sardar was given the job of painting the white lines down the middle of a
highway.

On his first day he painted six miles;

the next day three miles;

the following day less than a mile.

Then the foreman asked the Sardar why he kept painting less each day,

he replied “I just can’t do any better. Each day I keep getting farther
away from the paint can”!

 

Banta Singh was painting his living room one hot day.

“Why”, his friend Santa Singh asked him, “Are you wearing two jackets?”.
“Because,” said Banta Singh, “The directions on the can says ‘put on two
coats'”!

 

Did you hear about the Sardar who asked his friends to give him all of
their burnt out light bulbs?

He just bought a camera and wanted to set up a Darkroom!

 

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