More jokes from the net

Men are like mascara, any sign of emotion and they’re running

Q: Whats the difference between a computer and a woman?
A: A computer doesn’t laugh at a 3½ inch floppy.

 

Pastor: Do you know where little boys and girls go when they do bad things?
Johnnie: Sure, back of the church yard.

 

The definition of an optimist is a woman who loads up the CD changer
before making love

 

The prayer of a naughty girl visiting the Church:
Oh Virgin Mother thou who did conceive without sinning… teach me to sin
without conceiving!

 

There was this Eskimo chick who spent the night with her boyfriend. Next
morning she found out she was 6 months pregnant.

 

What did the elephant say to the naked man?
How do you breathe through that thing?

 

A 3-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the
bar and says:
“I’m looking for the man who shot my paw.”

 

Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, “Do you know how to
drive this thing?”

 

Men are like toilets — either they’re taken, or full of crxp!

 

Men say the smartest things when they start the sentence with “A woman
once told me…”

 

What do men consider a 50-50 relationship?

We cook, they eat! We clean, they dirty! We iron, they wrinkle!

 

nowadays 80% of women have decided against marriage, they’ve realised that
for 4oz of sausage it’s not worth marrying the whole pig!

 

hi, don’t panic, but i’m in hospital, i poisoned myself, i ate what i
thought was an onion, but it was a daffodil bulb. doctors say i’ll be out
in the spring..

 

Why do elephants have big ears?
Because Noddy wouldn’t pay the ransom.

 

If quitters never win,and winners never quit, what fool came up with.”Quit
while you’re ahead?”….

Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?….

Whose idea was it to have an “s” in the word “lisp”?…

 

 

What do you call a row of dolls about to be burned?

A barbie-queue!

 

You should always give 100% at work…
12% Monday; 23% Tuesday; 40% Wednesday; 20% Thursday; 5% Friday

 

Q. What do you call 100 men at the bottom of the ocean?
A. A good start.

 

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don’t have film.

Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.

 

If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked
something.

The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.

 

Mind Like A Steel Trap – Rusty And Illegal In 37 States

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

 

 

What’s the difference between a toad and a horny toad.
One says Ribbit ribbit and the other says rubbit rubbit.

 

 

If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold
tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?…

 

 

Before you find your handsome prince, you’ve got to kiss a lot of frogs.

 

Advertisements